When he says he’s going to change, pay attention to his actions over his words. He can promise you the sun, moon, and stars, but that doesn’t mean he’s going to follow through on his promise. He might be telling you what you want to hear in order to stop you from getting angry, from walking away, from realizing you deserve so much better than him.
When he says he’s going to change, ask yourself whether you’ve been in this place before. Is it the first time he’s made a mistake or is it a repeat? Is it the first time he’s promised to change, to do better, to treat you right? Or has he given you the same speech before? You don’t want to sit back while history repeats itself. As much as you love him, as much as your emotions are clouding your judgement, you need to look at your situation logically. You need to ask yourself whether he’s good for you or whether he’s only going to continue hurting you.
When he promises you he’s going to change, give it a little time. At first, he might be on his best behavior. He might be hyper aware of his actions because he knows you’re watching his every move. He knows you’re extra cautious about whether he’s going to follow through on his promises or whether he was bullshitting you. But once he starts to get comfortable with you again, once he feels like he’s no longer in danger of losing you, see if he changes his tune. See if he reverts to treating you the same way he promised he would never treat you again. See if he can sustain his new and approved behavior or if it’s only a temporary distraction to trick you into staying.
When he promises you he’s going to change, pay attention to the rest of his apology. Pay attention to whether he actually understands what he’s done wrong, whether he actually takes responsibility for his actions, whether he actually seems like hurting you has hurt him. Pay attention to whether it seems like he’s saying all the right things he thinks he’s supposed to say or whether it sounds like he’s truly speaking from the heart.
When he promises you he’s going to change, don’t let your heart trick you into forgiving him too early. Don’t automatically assume everything is going to be fine moving forward because he said it would be fine. Even if you decide to give him a second chance, you should keep your eyes open. You should make sure he gives you what you deserve, because if he doesn’t follow through on his promise, you can always change your mind and leave.
When he promises you he’s going to change, don’t blindly believe him. Don’t stay in a bad situation because you’re putting your trust in someone who has already broken it. Don’t put yourself through hell in the hopes he might actually follow through on his promise this time, even though he broke it the last three times. Don’t settle for someone who cannot figure out how to treat you right.
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