Listen, we all love our parents. But the moment they discovered social media, something changed. Here’s a collection of things my parents do online that make me question whether I should have ever taught them how to use Facebook.
The Great Facebook Comment Catastrophe
Mom discovered the comment section, and now no photo is safe. Not mine, not my friends’, not even random strangers’ who happen to share my last name. “Is this John Smith your cousin? He looks just like your uncle Bobby!” No, Mom. That’s a professional basketball player.
The Emoji Epidemic
Dad’s journey with emojis is like watching someone learn a new language through fever dreams. A simple “Happy Birthday” message somehow needs 🎂🎈🎉🎊🎁👨👩👧👦🌟💫✨🎀🎭🎪🎨🎯🎲🎮🎼🎹🎸🎺🎻. Dad, the saxophone emoji has nothing to do with my birthday, but thanks for the enthusiasm.
The Profile Picture Saga
Mom’s profile picture is either:
A photo taken from a mysterious below-the-chin angle
A blurry picture of her thumb
A zoomed-in photo of half her face
A random flower from the garden
And somehow, they’re all posted as “public.”
The Share Button Addiction
Everything. Must. Be. Shared.
“COPY AND PASTE THIS OR BAD LUCK FOR 7 YEARS!”
“Mark Zuckerberg is giving away money to anyone who shares this post!”
“This onion cures everything from headaches to existential dread!”
Dad, please. I’m begging you. Not every post needs to be shared to “keep Facebook free.”
The Family Group Chat Chronicles
The family WhatsApp group has become a repository of:
Good morning messages with sparkly roses
Forwards about health tips nobody asked for
Jokes from 2010
Random “🙏” reactions to everything
And heaven forbid you don’t respond within 3 minutes—cue the “Are you okay??? Please respond!!!”
The Instagram Investigation Unit
Mom finally joined Instagram, and now she’s CSI: Social Media. Every like, every comment, and every person I follow is subject to intense scrutiny.
“Who is this person you liked their photo? Are they a good influence? Why are they doing yoga on a cliff?”
The Accidental Live Stream
That heart-stopping moment when you get a notification: “Mom is going live!”
Only to tune in and watch a 15-minute video of her purse interior because she didn’t realize the camera was on.
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The Hashtag Horror
#My #Dad #Types #Like #This #Now #Because #He #Thinks #Thats #How #Young #People #Communicate #OnThe #Internet #Blessed #FamilyTime #DadAndDaughter #WhyIsThisNotGettingMoreLikes
Look, I know we should be grateful they’re trying to stay connected in the digital age. But would it kill them to learn that typing in ALL CAPS is basically screaming? Or that not every life moment needs to be accompanied by a minion meme?
Maybe one day they’ll master social media. Until then, I’ll keep getting notifications about Mom accidentally tagging me in photos of her garden gnomes and Dad sharing conspiracy theories about how clouds are actually government-controlled cotton candy machines.
And you know what? I wouldn’t have it any other way. ❤️
Just don’t tell them I wrote this. Dad might share it with his entire friend list… with a hashtag for every word.
