Ah, the dreaded Blue Shell. A staple of Mario Kart since the days of the N64, the spiny winged azure angel of death has destroyed many a friendship in its relentless quest to track down anyone in first place and fork their shirt up.
We’ve all been there; seconds from the finish line in a race where we haven’t put a toe wrong. We’ve remained in first for the entire race, and we’ve damn well earned this win.
Not according to the law of the Blue Shell, which usually dictates that if you deserve to win, you aren’t going to do so. While colliding with one of those bastards usually stings, it has to hurt a lot more when it actively scuppers a world record attempt.
That’s what happened over the weekend towards the very end of speedrunner Skilloz’s run, as he sped to glory through Wario Mountain.
As he raced ever closer to the finish line as Donkey Kong, he realised he was on the cusp of a genuine world record run for the Star Cup circuit at the infamously tricky 200cc speed. This, experts believe, is when the God of Blue Shells took notice and commanded one of its spiky minions to take flight.
Simply recounting to you his heartbreaking last words before contact with the shell of blue are enough to make me well up; “Blue shell is coming, but I think we can outrun it.”
Except of course, there’s no outrunning fate, as you’ll see below:
In a flurry of confusion and cartoon violence, the Blue Shell careered straight into DK inches before the finish line. A single, useless coin was the item he was expected to defend himself with.
The Blue Shell set him back him one entire second from the world record he’d so desperately coveted. A reminder, as if you needed one, that Blue Shells are absolute bull.
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