Rule number one for any pedestrian: respect the car and the person in charge of it. Starting beef with either is a losing game. Should a driver want to cause a lot of damage to you within seconds, they can. It doesn’t matter if you’re faster than Usain Bolt in fast-forward mode, a car will get you eventually.
Not to sound too sinister obviously, but society should be aware of this for its own benefit.
Personally speaking, I don’t drive. I’m not even that into buses or Ubers. If I can walk it in thirty minutes I probably will, judging on the weather. And many and various are the times I’ve been inches away from a near-fatal clipping, thanks to my zebra crossing-misadventures.
The drivers are not in the wrong there (even if it’s a BMW). Everyone knows it’s not really ever the driver’s fault if a plucky member of the public makes a last mili-second dash through traffic.
In fact, I often imagine one day colliding with the steel bonnet of a car and waking up surrounded by medical staff talking about me with Ivan Drago levels of indifference.
Anyway, watch this:
I worry for this man. See, even in (apparent) middle age, he’s dangerously ungracious to the car. Foolishly confident, he could manage to escape the rapid blur of a 4,000 pound block of metal using just his feet.
Thankfully in this case, the driver is not a disturbed individual with an unquenchable taste for homicide. Watching on in joyful surprise as the (MAGA hat wearing?) passerby offers some weird hand-taunts before Sideshow Bobbing right into a lamppost, he actually ends up laughing.
Even when the angered pedestrian approaches the car following his embarrassment, the driver remains collected. Sure of himself, you could say. Karma prevails.
For those thinking, ‘Why has a very mild curry prevailed?’ Karma refers to the spiritual principle of cause and effect where intent and actions of an individual influence the future of that individual.
In stoopid persun speak, that means if you do bad stuff, bad things will happen to you, and if you do good stuff, good things will happen to you.
For example, the other day I ran into a burning building to save a single mother and her children, one by one, carrying them over my shoulder to safety. After it was all said and done, I stood on the street brushing off the well-wishes of spectators and police staff.
‘Wait a minute,’ I said. ‘There’s one more person in there!’ The yell was male and desperate-sounding. I looked up to see someone waving out of the window saying ‘Help!’
There was a problem: he was wearing a Manchester United shirt. As a Leeds fan, I had my reservations, but ultimately, found myself bolting back in, to rescue him of course.
A week later, I won the lottery. Good karma.
So that story isn’t true, but it’s a perfect example of how far, being a law abiding and conducive citizen, can get you.
Also: don’t be a d*ck to drivers who aren’t doing you any wrong.
If you have a story you want to tell send it to UNILAD via firstname.lastname@example.org.
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