Alabama Police Warning Citizens About The Dangers Of ‘Meth Gators’

Gator is good eats, but will you get high off meth alligators?

The Alabama Meth Gators sounds like the Triple-A farm team for the Arizona Diamondbacks that have poorly planned promotions like “Race An Alligator Around The Bases Night.”

Meth Gators needs to be a Syfy channel movie starring Lindsay Lohan and Scott Baio with cameos by Terrell Owens, Brooke Hogan, Charles Barkley, Vanilla Ice, Courtney Stodden, Brett Butler, Bobby Bowden, Dustin Diamond, Snooki, Katherine Webb, and Kendra Wilkinson. You’re welcome for the casting Syfy channel.

I don’t know man, telling people not to flush meth down their toilets because it will create meth-gators will probably only encourage people to flush meth down their toilets to create meth-gators.

On the “glass is half-full” side of the argument, meth gators will eat much less, be lethargic after they crash and won’t have any teeth to bite you. A win-win in my book.

But on the “glass is half-empty” side of the argument, there’s a good chance that the meth will only make alligators more ornery because it messes with the beast’s medulla oblongata.

What is going on in Alabama? It was only a month ago that the Limestone County Sheriff’s Department found an “attack squirrel” at a drug dealer’s home. The suspected drug dealer fed the rodent methamphetamine to keep it aggressive.

“Prior to the search warrant, investigators were informed that Mickey Paulk kept an ‘attack squirrel’ inside his apartment, and that Paulk fed the squirrel meth to keep it aggressive,” sheriff’s spokesman Stephen Young in a news release.

Alabama is the new Florida.


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